no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
