my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
