remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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