I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
