How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Randomize
