Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize