It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
