We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
