***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
