my phone cant type all the emotion im having
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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