he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
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