so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
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