I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize