So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
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