i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
