i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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