Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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