Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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