so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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