We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize