Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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