She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Randomize
