My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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