It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
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