The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
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