But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Randomize