Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
