And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Randomize
