make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
