So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
