M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize