Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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