she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
