I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
