There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
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