I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
