Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
