No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
