there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
