I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
