dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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