who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
