Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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