batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Everclear isn't food dammit
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize