goodnight i made you a song goodbye
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
