Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
PANTIES FOUND
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