All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
