What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
