He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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