I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
