If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
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