I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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