I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
