i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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