i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
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