Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
