You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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