My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
