TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Randomize
