No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
