I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
