i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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