i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Boobs speak an international language.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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