Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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