You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
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