remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Randomize
