Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
