Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I think we might need a safe word for this...
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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