I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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