A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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