I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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