you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
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