Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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